Help
by Sheffield93
Summary: Her body lies on her kitchen floor motionless then he sees the tears run down her face and the fear in her eyes. She must know that it is PTSD, all he knows is that she needs help and someone to be there for her. Set S4
1. Found

Prompt: Beckett has really bad PTSD after she was shot and refuses to admit she needs help. One night she comes home from the precinct and has a PTSD attack. She realizes she needs help. Castle just happens to come and talk to Beckett about getting help that night. He walks in and finds her lying on her kitchen floor with her gun in her hand; she's been there for hours. Unable to speak or move

Disclaimer: I can see why they didn't do (something like) this on the show however, in real life I suspect that this probably would happen. They're best friends and there doesn't need to be anything romantic about it. There's no way he wouldn't have gone over in 4x09.

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**Chapter 1: Found**

It had been a hard one; she's only been back a week and talk about being thrown in at the deep end. She still hadn't settled back in at the precinct really, sure she had with the boys however, active duty was still nerving. She honestly thought that she had gotten over having a gun pointed at her after the first case back with the rock star but nope and it had to happen in front of the boys _and_ Castle.

She had run after the suspect, down the alleyway at the back of a derelict building into the loading yard. There were still towers of pallets around as well as a skip which was immediately on the right as they reached the yard, there was now a three meter high gate and perimeter fence stopping his escape. She had stopped running at the end of the alley, bringing the gun up so that she was ready to shoot so when she laid eyes on her man. She moved slowly around, on alert so to be on guard for any attack. The first thing she heard was a crash, looking to where the sound came from she saw nothing nevertheless she approached it in hope that the suspect had accidently made the noise.

No, it wasn't that. He had made it to lure her out which lead her to the point where they were at a standoff; guns pointed at one another.

"Let me go and no one has to get hurt." He said. Kate could give no words; she was frozen unable to move. She was no longer looking at the suspect only past him. Her eyelids closed but now her vision was filled with flashbacks, the sounds of shots ringing out, people screaming and Castle. She was in a trance; completely out of it not noticing that the boys had cuffed the suspect and taking him back to their car. What brought her out of it though was Castle's arms around her bring them down and then taking her gun. She wouldn't cry, not at work, not in front of him especially _him_. She wanted a relationship with him; she really did just not now. She could barely look after herself so how was she meant to do much more. He loved a strong woman and right now she was anything but.

She had her head still in the crook of her neck feeling as safe as was possible right there. She gathered herself together before removing herself from his embrace; then taking her gun back as if he was holding it while she tied her shoe. She turned to walk back to her car with her writer hot on her heels.

He was watching her every move knowing that there was a lot more going on in her head than she was letting on. It continued throughout the rest of the day, she had momentary freezes accompanied with ghostly looks. The fact that she left the precinct at 4.30 instead of working late set of further alarm bells. She had only said "Bye." No indication of coming in tomorrow or more importantly where she was going. There was only one reassuring fact that was Gates had let her go with no questions asked.

Around 6pm, Alexis rang asking when he would be home for dinner. Oops, they'd made plans to have their favourite followed by lots of ice cream. He really hadn't talked to his daughter as much these past few days so he had to go home. Bidding good night to the boys he set off for home with Beckett still firmly in his mind. Sat in the back of a cab he rang her only to go through to voicemail. Maybe his Mother might have an insight on what he can do to help but by the time he has finished his dinner he has decided he has to go check on her. He let his mother know where he was going and a quick reason why, Martha understood requesting only that she be kept informed. He gave Alexis a hug too with a kiss to the forehead.

That is how at 7.30pm he finds himself stood outside her door; he rings her phone first to make sure she's in or available but when he hears her phone ringing through the door and he's getting no answer is when he gets even more worried. She wouldn't have gone out without her phone at least not in normal circumstances but these aren't normal. He tries to open the door only to find it is locked, taking out his key to try again only to find the keychain has been slid across. Carefully and quietly he puts his hand through the door to slide it out, fortunately he is successful first time. He opens the door and then shuts it quietly. "Kate, are you here?" He walks further into the loft and sees legs on the ground, he jogs up to see her lying on the floor gun in hand with tear tracks down her face. There's glass on the floor too nearer the fridge and away from her. Kneeling down he strokes his hand over her face, pulling the hair away from her face only to see her eyes look up at him with a troubled appearance. "Oh, Kate, please talk to me?" She didn't reply, only more silent tears fell. He reached over to where her gun is loosely grasped in her hands and goes to put it on safety then slide it away.

She hasn't moved at all since he first got here, how long had she been on the floor? He could only think that it had been a few hours, she was so drained of energy. He knew she couldn't be comfortable so he rolled her so he could get an arm around her back and his other under her knees so he could carry her. She was incredibly light for a woman of her strength and height, she had lost weight since her shooting but he was realising that it was probably more than he thought.

He carries her through to her bedroom gently placing her on the bed so he can tuck her in. As he withdraws his arms she takes a hold of his hand preventing him from moving away. She shuffles across the bed to make room for him however he is still apprehensive as he doesn't want to ruin what they have or their chance of a future but one look into her eyes and he knows that this is just about being here. She looks scared and fragile so he takes his coat off and toes off his shoes so he can climb in next to her. He's barely settled and she's shuffling into him getting as close as possible. He notices that she's cold too, she shouldn't be it's still September and the weather isn't abnormally cold nor is her apartment. He decides the only thing to do now is bring her into his arms and hold her tight. Even then she's burying her head in his neck.

For the first time since he arrived she says something, well more like mumbled into his neck "Thank you, Castle." He can feel the tension leave her body as she relaxes into him and drifts to sleep.

He reaches into his pocket to grab his phone to shoot Martha a quick text updating her. "It's not good, going to stay a while." In truth he didn't know how long he'd be staying but he couldn't leave now either. He hoped that when she woke up that she didn't kick him out or pretend like it never happened. She must know that she had PTSD and it wouldn't go away of its own accord. She wouldn't step down from cases as she had to be the strong Detective Beckett at the precinct. Thinking back to her Mother's case in May when her Dad and Montgomery had told him that he was the only person that she would listen to maybe it was the same now.

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Please review? Especially if you want another chapter. They make me write faster :)

Thank you for reading.

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**Twitter: **EmilyRBarker


	2. Rescue

Thank you for the reviews, favourites and follows. I wish this had happened on the show, up to now there is no romance in it.

I loved Veritas, I don't usually like angst-y ones but this blew it out of the water.

Disclaimer: I'd love to be one of the writers on the show but I'm a financial mathematician and writing was always my weakness.

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**Chapter 2: Rescue**

He really tried to stay awake, he just couldn't though. When he woke up she was still there in his arms; that must be good, right? He looked up and saw that it was 8am. Usually she's at the precinct at this time so she really needed the sleep. He wonders how long she hasn't been sleeping properly, especially for this long.

He doesn't know whether to wake her or leave her for her to wake of her own accord. Before he can decide she wakes up, well her head moves in the crook of his neck. Now he doesn't know what to say or do; pretend to be asleep, say something or wait her out. What is it about this woman that makes his life so hard, interesting, frustrating or fun? "Good Morning, Castle."

"Good Morning?" He responds but it is posed more like a question. He had a few ideas of what she might say when she woke up but most of them involved him being told not so nicely to get out of her apartment so to have a friendly greeting and a neck nuzzle is beyond expectations. He thought that he should feel better now she's spoken acknowledging his presence however, he doesn't just more confused.

"What time is it?" Again mumbled into his neck, he's glad he shaved yesterday otherwise there'd be some scratches on her; there's still morning stubble but she did call that nice once.

"Just after eight."

"Oh."

"Oh? Is that it?"

"I told Gates...Castle let me up."

He didn't want to because he was scared she would run, run away from her problems which they needed to sort. He tightens his arms around her so that she can't go. "Wait, tell me what you told Gates."

"Castle, let me out please." He doesn't relent, keeping his arms securely around her. "Castle, I need the toilet." That makes him release his hold on her, he doesn't need her wetting the bed and then him. He hasn't got any other clothes. "Thank you." After her release she shuffles off of the bed and legs it to the bathroom.

Deciding to give her some privacy he hops out of bed and goes to the kitchen, immediately spotting the glass that remained on the floor from last night. Her sweeping brush is fortunately placed within easy sight so he carefully collects the glass fragments from the floor. As he's putting them into a carrier bag to be safely discarded she enters the kitchen and sits at the counter. She isn't saying anything which is more nerving than earlier.

"Kate, what happened yesterday?" In truth he knows or has a fairly good idea what happened but wants her to admit it. She can't start to get better unless she admits to herself what's happening. She's now just staring at her hands instead of answering. "Kate?"

"You know what happened."

"I do, but I want you to say it."

She exhales heavily, she knew one day this conversation would arise, she just hoped it wasn't so soon or with him. "I froze, Castle. I froze." Another exhale of breath and she's getting anxious, it's radiating off her. "He had his gun pointed at me and I froze. Then I got home and..." She looks around to her apartment, at the mess that she created. He didn't notice it last night, how did he miss it? He was too focused on getting to her. "I heard noises and then..." she doesn't know how to describe her panic attack so let's the silence do all the talking "...and then you were here."

"What's really wrong with you, Kate?"

"You know what is wrong."

"Say it."

She really didn't want to admit it but she had too so after another heavy exhale she responds; "I have PTSD, alright?" Her voice is now rising. "I panic when a gun is pointed at me; noises that sound like shots frighten me." Tears were filling her eyes. "I'm scared, Castle." Swallowing nervously and her voice is now barely a whisper "I'm scared." He's next to her in an instant, bringing her into his arms. She stands so she can be more securely held in his arms. The tears fall while she has her head buried in his chest. The duo stand there for a while until she calms down, it wasn't a full blown crying session but she was emotional. She had just bared all to the man she wanted because he pushed and got the truth out of her like no one else could.

"Shh, Kate." Rubbing circles on her back, "it's going to be okay."

"How?"

"We'll find a way." She just hums in response and squeezes her arms around him once as a silent thank you. "We'll find you the best PTSD psychiatrist in town."

"I've got one, Doctor Burke. He's one with the NYPD, did my psych eval. He's nice, understanding."

"That's good. Do you want to see him more often?"

"Yeh, putting the work in is what's going to get me out of this mess. I'll do whatever it takes to get my life back."

"What can I do?"

"Just be there, please?"

"Of course I can do that. You can call me anytime, invade my house if you need too."

"Might need to do that tonight, this place is a tip and I don't feel like doing tidying today."

"What about work?"

"I told Gates that I needed to go. She took one look at me and probably knew why. I told her I'd be back. I probably should ring her."

"Yes but in a bit. Now, how about some breakfast? I'm hungry."

"Yeh, that sounds good."

"So what you up for?"

"You might want to look in my fridge before you get any extravagant ideas." He unwraps himself from her and walks towards the fridge.

"Is there bacon?"

"Yeh but only a couple of pieces."

"That's fine."

"No, you need something too."

"It's fine, there are eggs right?"

"Yes but I don't know how many."

"I'm taking you grocery shopping later."

"Another time maybe?"

"No or you'll never eat anything else other than pizza or Chinese."

"If you pick the right things it can be healthy."

"No, we are going grocery shopping later."

"I hate grocery shopping."

"You make it sound like people don't."

"Supermarkets are always open and always busy."

"New York is a big place with busy people."

"Whatever, can we get on with breakfast? I can hear your stomach."

"Fine, what do you have that we can both eat?"

"I could make you pancakes? According to the boys it is way of saying 'thank you so much for last night' which I would be just not in the way they would typically think. I don't know how long I would have been there if you didn't show up or what condition I would have been in for that matter."

"It's okay, I'll do it. You got chocolate chips?"

"Yeh, why?"

"Happy face pancakes, why else?"

"I'll get them, you start on the mixture."

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Hope this is what you wanted. I know it's short but I didn't want to go round in circles until she finally admitted it. With the right person, they can break you down quicker than anyone else. It was only going to be a one shot too. I have another chapter idea in my head if you want another one but you've got to review and let me know.

**Tumblr: **Sheffield93

**Twitter**: EmilyRBarker

Please review and THANK YOU for reading :)


	3. Recovery

Thank you for the reviews, follows and favourites. They cheer me up.

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**Chapter 3: Recovery**

"I'll be back as soon as I feel I'm able to. The boys will let me know when the case it done." Kate said.

"Alright detective, keep me appraised of your progress." Gates said over the phone.

"I will, Sir. Thank you." She hung up the phone and turned to face Castle. "Looks like you're stuck with me, at least for a couple of days."

"There are worse things I guess." Castle sighed, they had worked a lot of cases together and while they usually got closure it was never a happy ending.

"Really? And here I thought you were my knight in shining armour."

"I am."

"Okay, but I'm no longer a damsel in distress." She said with a smile and a hint of sarcasm.

"No, I guess not." Castle was contemplating what to say next. He didn't want to do anything that would upset her. "So what's the plan for the rest of the day?"

"Go to the loft so you can change your clothes."

He looked down at his crumpled shirt remembering that he was still wearing yesterday's clothes. "Yes, that'd be a good plan. What else?"

Kate looked to the floor, she knew she probably should do but she didn't know whether he would want to. After swallowing nervously she spoke, "I was going to go see Burke."

"That sounds like a good idea."

She now looked up at him in the hope that his next response would be positive. "Would you take me, please?"

His look of shock was not what she expected. "Of course I'll come. Alexis is in school, mother is... I have no idea and I'm not sure I want to know. What else would I be doing?"

"Your _real_ job, writing."

"Oh. Yeah that. It can be done another time. I don't have inspiration at the moment while my muse is upset."

"I told you once I'd break your legs if you ever called me that again."

"Well my legs are broken yet."

"I don't have the energy." She exhaled heavily before continuing. "So, you'll come?"

"Yes."

"Thank you." She stood from the stool she was on to stand in front of Castle who was still sat on one to hug him. She needed him to know how much she appreciated him doing this. "I'm going to go shower. The paper will be here now. I'll go get it for you."

"Don't worry about it, I can go." He offered.

"Okay, well I'll go get ready and we can go." She said and then walked off in the direction of the bathroom.

He didn't intend to read the paper unless he had time, his plan was to tidy her apartment. The coffee table was flipped, books were strewn across the floor, beads that came from a vase were everywhere and there was more glass. He set to work firstly clearing up the glass then righting the furniture; leaving the books until last.

He had put the books in a pile as he was going along as he was reaching for the last book that was open he realised it was one of his. It was Heat Rises, open on the page where Rook gets shot. He already knew that she had finished it and he had an idea why it was open on that page. She told him she didn't remember but she must remember something, even if not at first. He had read up that PTSD attacks could bring back the whole memory of the event, he wasn't sure if that would be a good thing or not. If she was like this without remembering it perhaps it was best if it stayed that way. However, he had told her in the moment of desperation that he loved her; he still does. She must feel something too or she wouldn't be letting him in like this. She isn't in a place for a relationship but maybe soon, when she's ready they could give it a go. He heard the shower shut off and promptly shut the book. She wouldn't want him being too nosy so he got back to sorting the books.

He was just completing the last few things when she walked out of her room. "Castle, what are you doing?"

"Erm..." He said nervously, he wasn't expecting a negative response. "I am tidying up."

"But why are you? I thought you were going to read the paper."

"I thought I could be more useful."

"Thank you."

"Not a problem." He replied with a smile.

"Shall we go to the loft then?"

"Yep. Let's go. Oh yes, after grocery shopping, we'll get you a new vase too."

"I can get my own you know."

"I know, it's just you won't do it until you go to a shop and we have the day off and it will bug me that the beads are only in a bag."

"That bugs you?"

"Doesn't it you?"

"Yes but that is because it is my apartment."

"I'm still not getting why you're not up for me getting you a vase."

"Because..."

"Yes?"

"Can we go and I'll think of a reason."

Castle and Beckett first stopped at his loft so that he could change into clean clothes then continued to Dr Burke's office. Castle was impressed at the décor in the reception area, not what would be expected of a police psychiatrist but he was helping Beckett so he would hold nothing against the man. When her name is called she doesn't hear, whatever she is thinking about it has her so lost in thought that even Castle's first nudge doesn't get her attention.

"Beckett, they're calling your name."

"Oh, right." She replies, stands up then walks towards Burke's room. Burke motions for her to sit in the patient's chair. She's glad that this chair is comfortable; given the amount of time she has and likely will have to spend here.

"You moved your appointment forward, Kate. I can see the pain on your face. Can you start with why you are here today?" Burke asked her.

"Something happened yesterday at work, a suspect got the drop on me. I froze and I was back there." Kate recounted the events of yesterday just as she had with Castle including what happened at her apartment. Somehow the topic of conversation graduated to Castle, more specifically her relationship with him. Burke was keen to get Beckett to word herself how she saw her relationship with Castle and how she needed him as a constant in her life.

"He's there for me so often however, I'm not ready for a romantic relationship with Castle. I love him but I can barely look after myself so I can't invest in relationship with another person yet."

"Why can't he be there for you all the time?"

"That's not fair on him, he has a family, his own real job, his own life and I couldn't ask him to be there for me."

"Isn't that up to him to make that choice? He's here, I would say that is a signal he wants to be there for you." Kate's torn inside, she would like him to be the person to look out for her on a daily basis but he's got Alexis and a book to write, he follows her at the precinct but surely he's got enough on his plate. She knows that he would do it the problem is her letting him do so. "Ask him."

"Now?" Burke only nods in response.

Kate walks to the door, opens it and says, "Castle."

Castle looks up to the doorway where he sees his muse stood there with light from the windows in Burke's office streaming through behind her, she's wearing jeans and a jumper having removed the shoes when she sat down. She's looking at him in such a way that he knows just to follow her into the office of his psychiatrist which is something he was originally wary of but seeing as it has been more than twenty minutes since she went in it indicates that she's making some progress.

Burke has pulled a chair that was at his desk over for Castle to sit on. When all three are seated Burke starts.

"Mr Castle, we've been talking about ways Kate can help to deal with PTSD and her symptoms." He looks back to Kate. "Can I tell him?"

"Yeah." Kate replies, allowing him to tell Castle about their discussion.

"Something I've picked up on is that she feels safest when you are around and that you're able to calm her or even help her to control her emotions."

"And I said that I needed something else to depend on because you're not always there."

"I could be."

"Castle, you have a family, books to write, a private life so you shouldn't have to deal with me as well."

"Yes I know but what if I want to."

"I'm not going to be a pet project."

"I would never think of it like that, just two partners looking out for each other."

"It would be more than that and you know it. I can barely do one of the most important parts of my job, arresting people."

"Would you let me be there?" It is as if there is only Castle and Beckett there, he's looking into her eyes searching for any sign that will give her away. She turns to look at the window momentarily before looking back at him. "Kate?"

"Yes."

One word that has lifted weight from shoulders of both people, he knows he can help her and is letting him in and she knows that he'll do his best. She wants to trust him but so many people leave her trust in people is minimal.

The session resumed so that Burke was involved and he discussed ways of coping with PTSD along with what they can both do.

As Kate shook Burke's hand he said to her "Kate, let him in. He will help you."

"Thank you, Carter." Kate replied knowing that it would be best if she did.

"Mister Castle, thank you." Burke says as he shakes Castle's hand.

Before they leave Beckett makes her appointment for next week. When the two are outside they turn to look at one another and both say "Thank you."

"I'll see if you say that again in a few weeks, Castle."

"I mean thank you for letting me in."

"He's right, I need someone that I can rely on to be there and I'm glad it is you. I wouldn't have asked, Burke told me that it should be your decision."

"It is my decision. It is also my decision that we go grocery shopping."

"Seriously, I hoped that you had forgotten about that."

"Forget that you have a distinct lack of food in your apartment?"

"I thought you said that I could invade your place tonight?"

"You can, if we do it today we can get a good start. Not all the fresh stuff, that can be tomorrow or another day this week." He quickly changed the day limit just in case she wanted to stay more than one night.

"Fine."

"We've also got to get you a vase."

"You remember that too?"

"Of course."

"Let's go then."

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If you would like to see something else to finish this off then let me know. I've got one chapter planned but trying to finish some others. I've not got much writing time at the moment and I've had a bit of a hard time recently so sorry it has taken so long.

Please review and I hope you've liked it.

THANK YOU


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